I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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