shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
