I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
