My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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