I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
