Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
