I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
