NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
