we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
