Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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