My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i think i have herpe
just one?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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