smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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