pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
