his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
