Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
