i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Boobs speak an international language.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sext me about skeletons
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
