What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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