I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
