I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
there is glitter all over my balls
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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