thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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