Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
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just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
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I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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