guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
