Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
