ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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