i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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