Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize