so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
