Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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