she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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