Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Someone signed my nipple.
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