just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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