false alarm. still invincible.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
