You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize