Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She's the barista slut.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
