did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
