You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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