If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
