Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
