well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
