she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
