I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
