I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
