i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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