So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
