So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
