Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
