i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
