I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
