Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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