Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
