Slut skills are useful in every country.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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