Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
