I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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