I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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