Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
