I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
