Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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