Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
