i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
