a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
