There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
