OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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