I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
