Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
