I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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