dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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