No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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