I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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