Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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