We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
