That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
