Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
