Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
