Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
