He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's blow job season.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
