I want to have your abortion
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
