i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
