Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I need a burrito and a hug.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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