My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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